Hi, Cocktale Clubbers!
Entering into a casual relationship or even having casual sexual relations is oftentimes made to be more complicated (and sometimes even toxic) than it really should be. Honestly. We oftentimes find ourselves thinking, “Well, it’s a casual relationship so I really shouldn’t make things more complicated by adding boundaries and telling him/her what I want, don’t want, like, and dislike.”WRONG. On all accounts.
Avoiding setting boundaries, drawing lines, and speaking up about whatever it is you like and don’t like is what leads to complications, unmet expectations, awkwardness, and toxicity.
Because when you don’t speak up for yourself, you will inevitably be left feeling like you’re in a one-sided relationship.
Even if it is a one-night stand, you still deserve to have bomb ass consensual sex. That said, even if you never see that guy or girl again, you are entitled to telling that person what you want and what you like. If they take it poorly, put your bra and panties on and leave immediately, because anybody (sexual or nonsexual) should be willing and able to not only listen to your wishes but respect them.
So, to make sure that everybody is left feeling satisfied, comfortable, and understood, here are just a few *very* important points that should be brought up (and actually discussed thoroughly) before you decide to enter into a casual/hookup/fuck buddy/fwb/nsa/no-strings-attached-relationship —
Also, your health and safety are a top priority. That said, you have a right to inquire about the other person’s sexual habits and health because once they become involved with you, it is your business. So, be sure to not shy away from these questions however awkward or personal they may seem. Trust us, you’ll not only thank us later, but you’ll also thank yourself later, too (which is most important, of course) —
- what is their *actual* relationship status? trust us, asking this is necessary. ok? ok.
- do they want to spend time with you outside of hooking up?
- do they want to use condoms? if not, what protection will be used?
- how often will you see them?
- how often do they get tested?
- will they be sleeping around with other women/men?
- will they be using protection with the other women/men?
- what do they like in the bedroom?
- what is off-limits?
- what are their turn-ons?
- what are their turn-offs?
While you’re asking them these questions, be sure to tell them all about whatever it is you like, don’t like, etc.
Remember, everybody has to be on the same page.
Thanks for reading! Stay safe and stay sexy, Cocktale Clubbers!